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Well, i don't really have much of a testimony, and i suck at writing, but here it goes anyways. My name is Colleen Murphy and i grew up in a Christian home. I attended Central Pen. Tabernacle up until a couple years ago...I always hated going to church when i was a kid. I think it had alot to do with the fact that my parents forced me to wear dresses and stuff and i hated that. So, in turn, i was misserable wearing the dresses, so i was misserable at church. I always brought coloring books and stuff like that for the service, so i never learned anything. Well, i didn't mind Sunday School, that was o.k. I think another reason why i hated going was the fact i couldn't sleep in, and there really wasn't anyone my age growing up. There were a couple, but that's about it. Anyways, i still called my self a Christian, but i didn't really 'know' what it meant to be a Christian, and every week at church i would rededicate my life cuz i thought it didn't work the week before that. I kinda thought that maybe He just didn't hear me, or He just didn't want me. But anyways, i started going to my Youth group in grade 7. I saw all these people at youth that seemed so Godly and stuff, like singing and dancing for the Lord, but then after the service, some of them would be all snotty and not very nice. Very clique. It kinda made me think that if i wasn't like them, all raising my hands and jumping around in the services, then i wasn't a true Christian. I saw God working in their lives, but not mine. It made a depressed. I didn't feel excepted, only maybe by a couple people there. So, i grew up thinking that that's what you gotta do! Is jump around in the service, lift your hands...so even though i didn't like doing that most of the time, i did it anyways. Then maybe by about grade 11 or 12, i started getting into music alot more. And i started to find some bands i could really look up to, respect and their lyrics helped me and made me think about many things. Then i met some awsome friends in the last couple years and they have helped me and encouraged me. You might think i'm crazy, but i think Cornerstone was a bit of an eye opener. I sorta thought that if you were a punk or something like that, then you weren't a 'true' Christian, or that you could be a better Christian if you were 'normal'. But, at Cornerstone, i saw these hardcore kids and punks, crying out to God, and it opened my eyes. I think that since Cornerstone last year (2001), i started to be myself, not who i was told to be by my parents or anyone else. My whole life, everyone, especially my parents(mainly my mom), told me how to dress, what to wear, what to listen to, and all those sort of things. I guess i have found who i am, what i like, and that has helped me with my spiritual walk. Cuz i'm not pretending anything anymore, so in a way since i'm free of that, i guess i'm free to be who i am in Christ. Make sence? I do gotta admit that without my Youth group, I don't know where i'd be today. I definitly had great times there, awsome experiences and stuff.
there's some more things i forgot to mention. Growing up, i didn't know if i was a Christian or not. I just considered my self to be one. If someone asked me if i was a Christian, i wouldn't deny it, but i would get all embarrassed and quiet. I think that's partly why i was soooooo shy and quiet growing up, cuz i guess i didn't want to be noticed. In the last couple years or so, i've been growing out of that. I'v really had to come out of my comfort zones, and i'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. I can tell the difference since the first time i started working and what i'm like now. In my first interview, i was sooo quiet and shy, barely said a word, now in my last interview a couple days ago, i couldn't shut up! Anyways, growing up i guess i though i was a Christian, because i never smokes, drank, or did drugs, or sex. So, people thought i was weird, and didn't have many friends or any at all, at school. So, that made me have less respect of my self, and hate myself even more. And especially in high school, i saw all these beautiful girls, and they had boyfriends and i wanted to be like them, becuause they were 'cool' or popular and had many friends. So, with having absolutely no self-esteem, i had no Faith. But, i know now, that God was with me, cuz i totally wanted to kill myself at one point, but i couldn't do it because i was thinking of what God would think, and that i didn't want to end up in hell. So now that i think back, even when i deserted Him, and had no faith, He was right beside me the whole time and He never deserted me!! And that's why He's my BEST FRIEND!! He's someone i can always rely on, and go to when i need someone to talk to, or for whatever i need, He will always be there!!!
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